Eddie and Martha Marie Smith

Today went very well with Dr Barrow.  We were very impressed with not only Dr Barrow but his whole practice.  He sat down and explained things to us thoroughly and gave his recommendation of what needed to be done.  He said that I will need surgery and it will be the traditional brain surgery…well I hesitate to say traditional because technology has come so far even just in the last few years but basically I mean that they will have to make an incision on the head instead of going up through a vein in the neck or other part of the body.  One encouraging part of news that made me feel very good is that I won’t have to shave my head completely, only the part where they make the incision….it may seem somewhat silly but that was a big worry of mine, and I’m thankful that God cares about even the small things and He took care of that for me!

The surgery is this coming Tuesday, May 6.  I can’t believe it was just this past Monday that I felt nothing was happening and I thought the surgery was weeks if not months away and now just two days later we are looking at my surgery that is less then a week…..only God can do something like that!  He definitely makes the impossible happen!!  Eddie and I will go to Atlanta on Monday for pre-op stuff and then we report to the hospital at 6AM on Tuesday morning.  Dr Barrow said that if all goes well with no complications then my schedule of recovery looks like the following: the night after surgery will be spent in ICU, then moved to a private room for 2-3 more nights, and then go home and have 6 weeks recovery.  That is the best case scenario which of course we are praying for!!!

Wow….God is amazing….I can’t tell you how many recommendations we have had of Dr Barrow in just the last two days….it’s like after Monday everything came together including God showing us in a very obvious way that Dr Barrow was the one for us!  He doesn’t miss a step does He?!  Of course I now question why I ever doubted in the first place….I mean God has never, not once, ever let me down but I continually doubt!!!  That frustrates me so much!!!  I can somewhat put myself in Thomas’s place when he asked to see Jesus’ nail prints….I’m really no better.  Thank goodness God is so patient with His children….we are always a work in progress!!!

Ok prayer warriors….you are needed in a big way on this one….let’s just say I’m a little scared   I know God’s going to be there with me through this, but I’m still nervous…..I think the time that I’m the most nervous is right before they put me to sleep….not knowing exactly what things are going to be like when I wake up….and not knowing how the surgery is going to proceed, BUT that’s where faith comes in….believing that everything will go really well with no complications!  Thanks for ALL your thoughts and prayers…honestly every single one has been a gift to us and we can’t thank you all enough for your love!  Please pray for Eddie and the rest of our family through this because while I get to sleep through the surgery they have to sit and wait!  I think I have the easier job!

We are on our way to Atlanta this morning.  Here are some ways we would covet your prayers.

Patience
This one is not granted, but taught.  Pray that through this opportunity of growth we would have the attitudes that we need to have so that we can finish strong in this storm of life.

Endurance
Just like patience, endurance is not granted, but taught.  Our faith is being tested during this time.  James 1:2-4 says that situations like this should be welcomed so that we can rejoice of the prize at the end of it.  We are thankful for such a great opportunity to learn, but our natural agendas are often tempted to part from our Supernatural God’s agenda.  Pray that we not only finish strong with patience, but that we can build up endurance to complete the race and come out strong in the end for the prize that James 5:11 talks about.

Energy
We are sleeping well during this time and physical energy is ok for now.  Our mental energy however is zapped very much so during this time. 

Motivation
Lack of mental energy and being out of our routine keeps us from being as effective in all areas of life.  This is especially hard for me to deal with because I am usually highly motivated.

Wisdom
We have several little decisions to make that have big consequences about insurance policies, choosing doctors, choosing facilities, and doing them all within the proper procedures.  Pray for wisdom for us, the doctors, and the insurance company.

Thank you for your continued investment in prayer!

Martha Marie may want to post more later today, but I wanted to let you know that we have an appointment tomorrow at 12:30 in Atlanta!

Today I feel like I hit an all-time low…..it’s funny because yesterday was an awesome day full of God’s presence and peace, and I felt so good….I should have realized that a day like that would tick Satan off.  I guess I should have been on guard ready for his attack.  But..I wasn’t and I feel like he definitely hit me down today.  We were supposed to find out about our infamous doctor’s appointment today…well actually we were supposed to find out days ago but that’s another story in itself.   Anyway I feel like we continue to hit dead ends at every corner.  It is extremely frustrating.  I was on the phone over an hour today but I still don’t feel like I got anywhere.  There was a bit of brief hope for me when I spoke with my neurosurgeon from Greenville and he said that he would refer me to Wake Forest.  In fact there’s a doctor there that so many people have recommended to us and after my neurosurgeon mentioned his name to me today I thought that this was maybe a sign of direction for us.  I was feeling pretty good until Eddie told me that Wake Forest is not in our insurance network.  I cried a lot after he told me that…the frustration, the anxiousness, the uncertainity, the scaredness seems to be all coming out at once.  I feel very beaten and bruised….very angry at God today…maybe frustrated is a better word.  I know He loves me…I know He cares about me….I know He has a plan for me….but even knowing all these things I still find myself very frustrated.  I just don’t understand what He’s doing and why we have to go through all this waiting.  The other thing that is on hold is our adoption of our little boy.  The adoption agency is waiting for me to get medically sound before they can proceed with next steps…….that’s another huge frustation.  Our hands are tied in this…it all seems to be completely out of our control.  I think God has us right where He wants us in this….I know He’s working in this I just can’t see Him or the evidence of it at the moment.  I think He’s teaching us to trust Him 100% and I guess I’m just not there yet.  My life verse has always been Prov 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not on thy own understanding, in all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy paths.”  Can I just say that doing what this verse says is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life?!?  I’m sure it will turn out to be the most rewarding as well, but in this dark moment it just seems impossible. 

Ok….well that was my day today….please, please, please pray that Satan will be defeated.  He is fighting so incredibly hard…..

Love you all….hope we’ll have better news in the days to come. 

Yesterday I called Emory to once again be told they still didn’t have an appointment for me.  Soooo frustrating!  I did express my frustration to them (in a nice way…somewhat , which got me connected to a nurse who is in charge of scheduling.  She gave me her word that on Monday we would definitely have an appointment. 

After I got off the phone with Emory I have to admit that I was very tempted to take matters in my own hands.  We have other connections…other options we could explore, but just as I was about to pick up the phone and start my own investigation of doctors I felt the Lord remind me that this was in His timing and not my own…..His thoughts and ways are better.  I felt reminded of Abraham and Sarah when they took matters in their own hands after God promised them a child but they did not see any inclination of it so they tried to help God…..we as humans always mess up when we try to “help” God……

I once again feel a peace about all of this…no, it’s not in my preferred timing, and I really want to rush it forward, but God knows the exact details that need to be in place for me and I need to trust Him with His timing……in every way this situation has been a journey in trust, in giving God everything and leaving it in His hands.   So that’s where we’ll leave it until yet again I’m sure I will try to take it back in my control and have to once again give it back to Him……thank goodness God is patient with me! 

So…..Monday THERE WILL BE NEWS….Lord willing.

Emory hospital called today and said that they just received all of the Cd’s of my different tests, which means that I won’t know until Friday when I will meet with Dr Barrow and the team.  I don’t know why but that just bummed me out….I feel like all we’ve done these last few weeks is wait…….I guess maybe God’s trying to give me more patience   Anyway we’ll definitely know on Friday the next steps in this crazy journey.

I also got a call today concerning the adoption of our little guy.   I was told that our adoption licensing won’t take place until we know the outcome of the medical issues concerning me (MM).  We expected that, but it still stings to hear it.  We still believe God wants us to adopt this little guy….it goes beyond our just wanting to….we truly have felt that it is a calling specifically for this little boy…..we just have to place our little man completely in God’s hands….He knows what He’s doing….God knew all of this would happen when He first put adoption on our hearts.  I continue to remind myself that His thoughts and ways are so much higher…and better..than mine.   Wow…there are definitely parts of this process that are harder than others and this is one of them.  

I just have to say that I’ve recently discovered Psalm 91 in a whole new way.  What a comfort it is to me…I’m in the process of memorizing it and am excited to watch how God continues to reveal new things in that chapter daily to me.  I encourage those who are reading this to do the same thing…. there is such power in God’s Word!

Thank you all for your prayers….they are working!  Eddie is completely well, in fact he even went to work!  Once his fever broke he got better very quickly!  The kids are doing a lot better as well….the bodily functions are in control and nothing is projecting from either end    Selah is doing a lot better with drinking as well….thanks for all the tips!  Anyway….PTL we are hopefully over this hurdle!

We are still waiting for Emory to call regarding my appt….we should definitely hear by tomorrow absolute latest….

One last thing……through all this, especially this past week-end and last couple of days the “night” has seemed especially long and dark, but I felt the Lord remind me that no matter how long or hard the night is, morning will ALWAYS come!   Wow, what comfort that brought me……morning will soon be here…I just have to trust the Lord to bring that dawn…and He will!  He promised!  Oh how I love Him!

I was thinking how every time I post it’s such depressing news…well at least to me….please know that there ARE good things going on in our lives…just pray that those will stay very big and bright in front of us right now because honestly the last few days have just seemed pretty dark to me…hope that makes sense.

As far as our family….well the kids are still struggling with this virus and now Eddie is sick…running a fever and feeling pretty rotten.  Poor guy.  Personally I think part of it is that he’s just really worn out.  Anyway thanks for your continued prayers.  One question for you moms and dads out there with little kids….have any other suggestions for how we can get Selah to drink something?  She will not go the pedialyte or gatorade way at all…we’ve even tried tricking her but obviously she’s too smart for that.  I’ve tried Popsicles at the store, jello, a new sippy cup….nothing works.  Last night I had to force liquid down her with a syringe…it was not my idea of fun for sure.  Anyway any advice would be great….

Ok well thanks for praying….I’m learning to depend on God in a whole new way these days…although it hurts I know Eddie and I are growing from this….thanks for continuing to believe in us….I know God has an awesome plan in this….that in itself is so encouraging for me.

Dear friends…I know there are many prayer warriors that read this on a daily basis, and I am asking for your specific prayers.  A virus has made it into our home and we have some very sick children.  In fact one of our kids had to be hospitalized this week-end for dehydration and now our little girl looks like she’s headed that same direction.  The doctors think it might be Roto(sp?) virus but they’re not sure…..whatever it is it has the ability to dehydrate someone, especially a little someone, very quickly!  Eddie and I are pretty worn out from all of this…..I truly believe Satan has launched an all out pysical attack on our family….please pray that God will give us the strength to make it through this season…..God is going to use this time in our lives in a huge way I feel sure….just pray we will continue trusting Him with all of this.

As far as my appt….we are still waiting to hear from the hospital in Atlanta….we should know something by Tuesday I’m hoping….we’ll up-date all of you as soon as we know something concerning that.

Love all of you….thanks for your prayers!

My neurosurgeon called yesterday and told me my test results.  He agreed…it is operable! PTL!  But..he said he wasn’t my man for the job.  It’s been decided that my aneurysm is a pretty typical run-of-the-mill aneurysm…that’s the great news.  BUT…they have found that the blood artery that the aneurysm is attached to is abnormal and will need to be fixed as well.  I’ve been referred to a doctor in Atlanta who specializes in blood vessel and aneurysm surgery…..we are having an appt with him ASAP and then Eddie and I will decide whether to go with him or pursue one other avenue that is opened to us.  Honestly it’s God’s decision…I believe God is big enough to lead me to the right doctor.  So far he’s been faithful to close the door on a few doctors….He knows exactly where He wants me, and I’m resting in that fact.  I do hope we are nearing the end….I feel like we’ve been traveling this road for so long although it’s only been since the 28th of March…..please pray that from this point on everything will move VERY quickly!  I’ve had a few physical things happen lately that have been very unsettling….it’s making us all the more ready to have everything fixed!

As far as how we’re dealing with this…well…let’s just say that Eddie and I made the HUGE mistake of going to see the Bucket List last night.  We’ve been wanting to see it for a few months now but just hadn’t had the chance.  I didn’t even stop to think that the movie might hit a little too close too home for me at this point…if you have not seen the movie..it involves two characters who at different points in the movie have to have their heads shaved and then proceed into brain surgery.  These characters decide that before they meet the inevitable death they are going to make a list of things they want to accomplish and complete the list as a team.  Although like I said before I truly believe God is going to heal me, I still felt that reality crashed down last night.  Especially during the part of the movie where they are wheeling away a man to surgery and his wife is holding his hand until the last moment when they whisk him through the double doors.  For some reason that was the part where I kind of lost it…and cried…a lot.    I think it was good for me though…yes I’m scared….more as the inevitable surgery gets closer and closer…but I still have a peace that it will all come out ok.  How do you have peace and still be scared at the same time?  I’m not sure, but that’s where Eddie and I are.  Just continue to pray that we will trust God 100% in this and remember that we rest in the palm of His hand.  What an incredible help that is through this storm.  Love all you guys…thanks for your continued prayers.